Thursday, July 26, 2007

Confirmed -- Cats are the harbinger of death

I have made no secret of my feeling for cats, although I have nothing but concern and pity for those who are Afflicted with the inability to resist the mental domination of the Evil Ones.

Here, for example, courtesy of the fine work done by the proprietor of the XKCD website, is an analysis of the relationship between the intelligence of one of the Afflicted, as a function of their proximity to one of the Evil Ones. Note that the drop as illustrated is probably incorrect -- the true shape of the curve is exponential, and observational evidence suggests that the inflection point occurs at an average of around one meter, although for extreme cases may be manifested at ten meters.

Here is additional documentary evidence that the Evil Ones have been interfering in human affairs.

But the most significant information comes to us courtesy of Reuters:

Nursing home cat can sense death
Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:47AM EDT

By Julie Steenhuysen
(Additional reporting by Gene Emery in Boston)

CHICAGO (Reuters) - When Oscar the Cat visits residents of the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, the staff jumps into action -- Oscar can sense within hours when someone is about to die.

In his two years living in Steere's end-stage dementia unit, Oscar has been at the bedside of more than 25 residents shortly before they died, according to Dr. David Dosa of Brown University in Providence.

He wrote about Oscar in the New England Journal of Medicine.

"It's not that the cat is consistently there first," Dr. Joan Teno, a professor of community health at Brown University, who sees patients in the unit. "But the cat always does manage to make an appearance, and it always seems to be in the last two hours."

Raised at the nursing home since he was a kitten, Oscar often checks in on residents, but when he curls up for a visit, physicians and nursing home staff know it's time to call the family.

"I don't think this is a psychic cat," said Teno. "I think there's probably a biochemical explanation," she said in a telephone interview.

While pets are often used to bring comfort to the elderly in nursing home settings, Oscar's talent is special, though not unexpected.

"That is such a cat thing to do," said Thomas Graves, a feline expert and chief of small animal medicine at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine.

Graves said there is no evidence to suggest cats can sense death, but he doesn't discount it for a minute.

The mind distortion field generated by the collective of Evil Ones on this planet has likely blinded this researcher to the more obvious relationship -- one of cause and effect, rather than the utterly foolish notion that the cat "senses" death and is there to ease suffering.

What is more likely is that these monstrosities feed on human souls. Have you never seen a cat, watching and waiting at a mouse hole? There is a clear analogy between that behaviour and that of waiting at the deathbed of some helpless human. I beg you who read this -- throw off your chains and take up arms against these creatures...

1 comment:

pj said...

pffft! :-)